By Demelza Staples
A Personal Experience That Changed My Perspective
At a work drinks event many years ago whilst working in the hospitality sector, I found myself discussing the #MeToo movement with colleagues after it had just hit the headlines. During the conversation, a male colleague looked genuinely puzzled and asked, “Does it happen that often then?”
As he asked the question, another colleague was standing beside me with his arm around my shoulders, absent-mindedly rubbing the back of my neck while talking to someone else.
I didn’t say a word. I simply pointed to my neck.
The look on my colleague’s face was unforgettable. He was mortified. Not because something terrible was happening, but because he hadn’t noticed it happening at all.
For me, the interaction wasn’t threatening. I knew the colleague well. He was happily married, had enjoyed a few drinks, he worked at the same seniority as me and there was, in my mind, absolutely no malicious intent. Having spent my entire adult life working in male-dominated industries, including security, it barely registered. Sadly, I, like many others, have experienced worse situations.
But that’s the point.
My experience isn’t everyone else’s experience.
What if it had been a junior employee? Someone new to the business? Someone lacking the confidence to challenge unwanted behaviour? Someone carrying previous trauma? What one person dismisses as harmless can leave another feeling vulnerable, intimidated or unsafe.
Why Bystander Intervention Matters
Too often, we imagine harassment as something obvious and dramatic. In reality, it frequently occurs in plain sight.
Research from the Office for National Statistics found that women experience significantly higher levels of harassment than men, with sexual harassment being a common factor. Yet many incidents go unchallenged because those around them simply do not recognise what they are seeing.
That is why bystander intervention matters.
Being an active bystander doesn’t always mean confrontation. Sometimes it means checking in, creating a distraction, offering support, or simply noticing.
Because the greatest barrier to safety is not always bad behaviour.
Sometimes, it’s everyone else’s blindness to it.
Ask For Angela: Creating Safer Spaces Together
Ask For Angela exists because people do not always feel able to ask openly for help. Its mission is to create safer environments where individuals feel supported and where communities look out for one another.
The success of Ask For Angela is about more than a phrase. It represents a shared commitment to creating spaces where people can enjoy themselves without fear of harassment, intimidation or feeling trapped in an uncomfortable situation. Whether someone is on a first date, out with friends, attending an event or simply travelling alone, knowing that support is available can make a significant difference.
Creating a Culture of Awareness
Safety is not the responsibility of one individual alone. Venues, businesses, staff, security teams, friends and communities all play a role in fostering environments where respect and wellbeing are prioritised.
By encouraging awareness and providing practical tools, we can help prevent situations from escalating and ensure people receive assistance when they need it most.
Support the Ask For Angela Campaign
Help us create safer spaces for everyone by supporting our work with a donation today.
You can also find out more about Ask For Angela, become a participating venue, or support our mission to create safer communities for everyone.